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Sunday 3 November 2013

DEFINING EQ

 REVIEWING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Is there a key to becoming more effective with people?

Yes, there is.  It is to increase your "emotional intelligence".  The idea of emotional intelligence has been gaining currency since psychologist and journalist Daniel Goleman wrote a best selling book of that name in 1995.  He defines it as a set of learned skills - unlike IQ, which is fixed from birth.  He describes the research which proves that the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more likely you are to succeed - both at work and in life.

What is emotional intelligence?

Why do people with high IQs often flounder in their careers, and those with low IQs often do surprisingly well?  Why are some people better than others at controlling their impulses and achieving their goals?  Why are some people more able than others to create and maintain successful relationships?

The answer, according to the latest scientific research, is that it depends on how you have learned to deal with emotion. 
DEFINITION - Emotional intelligence is a set of skills for dealing with emotions.

There is strong evidence that people with it are significantly more successful in their relationships, careers, and achievements, than those without it.  Some writers have called it "EQ".  IQ is a quite different kind of intelligence, genetically pre-determined and fixed for life.  EQ is learned, and it is never too late to learn it.

So what are its components? 
The core skill is:
 IMPORTANT - Being consciously aware of one's emotions

Many of us have been taught to suppress emotions - a lesson strongly reinforced by upbringing, education and experience.  Reversing this lesson is not easy, but research shows that unless we are first aware of our emotions we cannot gain control of them.

Closely linked with emotional awareness are 2 other skills, both to do with being able to communicate with other people about emotions:

 IMPORTANT - Being able to recognise and acknowledge emotions in others 

In other words, empathy.  Without empathy, it is difficult to gain people's trust, create rapport, influence people, develop their abilities etc.

 IMPORTANT - Being able to make others acknowledge our emotions

In other words, being assertive.  It is hard, without being assertive, to gain people's respect, set them high standards, and hold them to their obligations.


These are the basic building blocks of emotional intelligence.  With them it becomes possible to control one's emotional impulses, create and maintain successful relationships, and achieve one's goals. 

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